R.I.P.

"The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls." - - - Elizabeth Cady Stanton

My uncle died on Sunday, from a cancer he'd been battling with for the past two years. My parents neglected to tell me about it until after the fact, thus continuing a long history of "protection" via silence. Is that what happened when they sold the house I grew up in? I spent the first 17 years of my miserable existence in a home that I loved, and I came home from school one day to find a for sale sign garishly mounted in the front yard. And people wonder why I have trust issues. As I've said in a previous post, I have a hard time dealing with people who withhold truths...but I truly think that the worst type of lies are those that seek to "protect" people from the harshness of the truth; lies we tell children to save them from suffering, lies we tell our friends so we won't hurt their feelings about one thing or another...I found out my other uncle was dying from AIDS shortly before his final birthday on Christmas Day. I was away at boarding school, and despite sensing that something was wrong, my father assured me that everything was as it should be. It wasn't until I was on holiday from school that they told me, and then they didn't want me to be there when they visited him because they wanted to spare me the sight of his decaying flesh. Tell me, which is more cruel...allowing me to suffer through a few moments of discomfort as I took my uncle's hand and told him I loved him...or allowing me to regret not being able to say goodbye to a man I respected and loved for the rest of my days, simply because it would be too painful at the time? This most recent death...of my uncle George...came so swiftly to my world that I didn't have the benefit of saying goodbye. I hadn't spoken to him since my wedding three years ago. Not that I didn't think of calling him - or my other relatives for that matter - I just found other things to do. Had I but known the situation, I would have made time to call...perhaps even to visit when I was back east this past June. But that was taken from me by parents who wanted to spare me ...from what? From life? I've seen plenty of what life has to offer, both good and bad, and as scarred as I am, I relish every experience, for it has made me who I am. All I can say is that I vow here and now to NEVER lie to my children, not about the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus, and certainly not about death and suffering. I certainly don't want them mistrusting everyone that enters their world as I have for so long.
~Dawn