I've been tremendously self-conscious about the nature of my disease (Bipolar), especially when it pertains to my professional life. I quit teaching about a year and a half before I was formally diagnosed. My symptoms were at their worst after my near-fatal concussion, but apparently I was suffering nonetheless (although at the time it was thought I had PTSD...post-traumatic stress disorder). I've since felt that I cannot commit to much without feeling stifled, and subsequently panicked, and when I inevitably feel overwhelmed, I shut down and can't manage to even phone my boss without B's (the husband extraordinaire) help. I feel weak, and I ultimately hate myself, although you wouldn't necessarily notice it if you met me on the street.
I guess this topic arises AGAIN, because I've begun tutoring a friend's children in their English/Language Arts classes. I've grown to enjoy it, but have been encouraged to take on more students, and have applied to work with a tutor-matching service. Ultimately, I could use more money (who couldn't?), but of course that evil voice deep within me says that they'll see right away that I'm a freak. And so what? I know that in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter! But still, I obsess.
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